She was born Elizabeth Dregon Sativa Croft.. to two crazy kids that were so in love...
Corey and I had met in a half-way house on his way out of jail and back to life in the summer of 1996. He was charming, funny, and about the ugliest guy I had ever seen in my (superficial, 16 year old) life. But, there was something about him that got me. He was a bad boy... with the tattoos and the record. .. and he could play the guitar. I was just about head over heels, and he was all about me too. We dated as I moved through the system until just before my senior year when I "got out." I was off probation and out of the house whenever I wanted.. We were in love, and trying for a family. Even tho it was my senior year, and I was still in school. I wanted a baby.. I wanted a family.
She was born July 19th, 1998 and she was the most amazing thing I had ever seen in my life. Corey and I married, Dec. 7 the same year ..but I was barely 19.. and not prepared for the changes my life was about to have.
First, I couldn't finish school. Tiva, as we called her, was sick quite a bit and they would not allow me to bring her into the school daycare when she was sick. So I dropped out, for the second time (1st when I was about 4 months along, morning sickness all day).. with 7 credits to go. My daughter was far more important to me than my education. I knew I could get my GED later. Then there were problems at home. It started out small... things I barely noticed, like Corey asking me where I was going for the day, or who I was going with... what time I was planning on being home; things you normally ask your significant other when either party is leaving the house... but after awhile, something changed. I can't even honestly tell you what it was, or even why it happened.. but he started to get mean. Possessive.. I could hardly go anywhere, if at all. It got physical.. first a finger on my chest, then a push, a hit... knocked me over with my baby girl in my arms.. ripped the phone out of the wall after the first 3 times I called the cops so that I couldn't call for help. I resorted to talking to the neighbor that if I banged on the wall; that meant : 911. It was a scary, lonely place that I had no clue how I had gotten into. I was baffled by how this man that had been so loving now looked at me with hate in his eyes, like he could barely stand the sight of me. ...yet he wouldn't just LEAVE.
I didn't know what to do. My mom was pushing me to give my daughter for adoption. Are you CRAZY?! I would NEVER do that. ...we didn't speak for months.. Corey finally moved out, and I had a hard time finding a daycare, or sitter.. I wouldn't go to my mom... and she wouldn't watch my baby. She was too afraid I was going to play and not to work.. I was out of options.. So, I did the unthinkable. I looked into adoption. I found a great family in Blackfoot, not too far away that was willing to take my daughter, but let it be an open adoption, so that I could remain a part of her life. I let them take her for 4 days to see how she did with the family, and how they liked her. They LOVED her. ...but Corey would not have it. He called the police, claiming these people had kidnapped her and caused a HUGE scene in the middle of the street.. He took Tiva out of my car and would not give her back... she was screaming.. he was yelling being unreasonable and I was sobbing for him to just give her back to me.. finally, he relented and handed her to me. I ran back to the car with her and left him in the road with the police.. I talked to him on the phone later that night, and he told me he would not sign adoption papers over to anyone, but John and Cathie.. who had his first daughter. If she didn't go to them, she wasn't going anywhere.
...The phone rang, and I believe it was John who answered the phone.
I don't remember very clearly, but I think I relayed the story quickly to him, but Cathie was not home and would have to call me back.. I waited...
The phone rang...
They would take my daughter.. Cathie had mentioned when I had met them the August after Tiva was born that she had a feeling this wasn't going to work out, and if it didn't.. and I needed them to, they would take her.
We would leave for Seattle a few days later to complete a "rapid transition" and sign the papers.. They would be submitted Friday evening and go through first thing Monday morning. 48 hours are allowed to contest an adoption in the state of Washington... and Corey was threatening to pull the plug.
4 hours away from her the first day...
I was ok, I could do this, it was for the best.
6 hours the second day...
Keep truckin.. she'll be so much better off...8 hours the third day...
I don't know what I'm doing anymore... everything is a blur...
.... I'm in a restaurant.. signing papers... It's the End of Oct. 1999.. what day is it?? WHAT AM I DOING?!
...I'm squinting to see through tinted glass as they are about to drive away from the bus station...
..I just want to say one more good-bye....
...It's not a good idea....
...on the bus...
I remember that moment.. I was so empty. What was I going home to? ...empty. nothing. silence.
Cops. ..on my couch...
..You have got to be kidding me. How was my trip?? I gave my daughter, that I have had for a year and a half up for adoption, how do you think my trip was? ... Search away, you seriously think I went there to pick up drugs?? I SLAMMED THE DOOR.
quiet knock...
Sorry for the confusion. ...Thanks, so am I.
empty. nothing. silence.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I'm so grateful to John and Cathie for adopting my baby, letting me participate in her life, and raising her into what seems to be a pretty well adjusted teenager, so far. I can't wait to see what a beautiful young lady she grows into. ...and now that I'm bawling.. I'll end this post. I love you! Happy Birthday!! ..and many more.
2 comments:
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Sending you the biggest virtual ((((HUG)))) ever. :)
Thank you so much for posting this story!! It's been so long, but doesn't seem like that long at all! I remember babysitting Elizabeth all the time & being so sad & upset when you had to give her up for adoption! I can't even imagine what you went through! I remember thinking back then how I wished I was done with school so I could have helped you out more! I am so glad that you have been able to stay in touch with her & that it seems to have worked out as well as it has! Happy birthday Gillian! I would love to get together with you & your kids in the near future, Sam, play date or something!
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